A continuation of this post, which you might want to read before continuing. This post is very long and very involved and may not make sense without the context of the last post. Most especially, the stuff about “Please don’t have your usual knee-jerk responses to confessions of envy in this context. We all know our envy is illogical and probably unfounded in reality and potentially harmful to others. We’re just trying to bring it into the light where people can see it and maybe exorcise it a bit. Also there’s a tl;dr at the end because this post is monstrously long.
Note: If you’re a member of my family, you probably don’t want to read this. I’m serious. I’m trying to be honest about my feelings of jealousy, and some of it revolves around family issues that none of us need to be stressing out about right now. I don’t blame anyone for anything that’s happened, but things have happened, and so I have these feelings, and I’m trying to be honest about them in the interest of a conversation that’s going on about disability and jealousy/envy. So if you read this, please don’t try to talk to me about it. And it’d be better if you didn’t read it at all, maybe. It’s not that bad, but I know emotions are high right now with the family emergencies and stuff, so I just wanted to put this warning here. This post isn’t meant for family, and it could hurt feelings unnecessarily.
On bus so can’t write lots now but here are a few of mine:
- similar to you: envy of people diagnosed accurately in early childhood. I know this makes little sense given the era in which I grew up (in the early 1980s) and the fact that girl-children were apt to be labeled in other ways, especially if we had any speech at all, but still.
- people who have less useful speech than I do. I can usually make words but it hurts after a while, and in all but a few very limited contexts, speech feels unnatural and I wish I didn’t feel so “obligated” to use it. I actually found it oddly relaxing last time I had laryngitis from a cold, because it meant I didn’t HAVE to talk and nobody questioned it or tried to pressure me. But I feel like a complete weirdo admitting that.