but there’s something about here that makes me keep my guard up in certain ways. I can’t put too much of myself here. Even though there are some things I can put here but not anywhere else. It’s weird.
…is because I absolutely *cannot* let a mystery go.
Needless to say, this can be both good and bad depending on context.
I was thinking about one of my favorite characters, and what I would do if I met her, and I realized I never did want to meet her. I just wanted to watch her do things. And that leaves her solidly in the ‘fictional character I don’t imagine as a real human being’ category, which I don’t know if it’s a failure to empathize, or as it should be.
Hmm, for whatever it’s worth I kind of feel the same way about a lot of actors. But in that case it’s mostly about figuring they get enough people trying to ‘meet’ then all the time and that means the nicest thing I can do for them is respect their privacy.
Well, in Nikki’s case she feels more like a somewhat curmudgeonly great-aunt, but the younger three feel much more like siblings (or cousins, perhaps) than children to me. Just in terms of the way they negotiate space with each other and with me, and also how they smell, if that makes any sense.
I don’t mean gross bathroom smells, I mean that subtle smell their fur has when you bury your face in it as they’re trying to shove their head under your chin. They smell exactly like family, somehow.
Fey feels like a roommate. Down to the intense sometimes physical squabbles over random shit. I think she also thinks she’s my mother and I’m her big dumb kitten, but aside from that, it’s like having a grumpy old lady living with me, who continually tries to pull rank based on age mind you.
Yeah, I go back and forth between thinking of the cats here as roommates and as something more like relatives staying with me. The thing that feels “family-ish” is mostly related to the way they smell and the way they do the same kind of thing that my siblings and I used to do as kids, where everyone would be sort of smooshed together on the couch and it somehow didn’t feel like an invasion of personal space (and I’m super super super sensitive to that kind of invasion).