There’s some kind of security exploit thing going on with Apple products. My laptop is apparently okay in part because I use Chrome always and Safari never. But my iphone is “vulnerable” so I’m attempting to update it now. Go here:
to check your device’s status and update accordingly!
So, I am getting over a very mild cold-type thing, I think. On Thursday I had a low-grade fever and just felt gross and had a sinus headache with bonus post-nasal drip.
So for once rather than running around trying to DO ALL THE THINGS (which is my usual impulse when feeling under the weather — like I am trying to “fake it [feeling well] until I make it”, combined with a vague fear that if I stop moving I won’t be able to start again and shit won’t get done), I decided to just take it easy and hang out on the couch with a cup of tea for the rest of the evening. And while I was still a bit scratchy in the throat the next day, I didn’t feel feverish and I could tell I was already heading into “better, not worse” territory.
This is kind of amazing to me. I keep thinking about how many times I’ve probably made stuff so much worse out of a fear that I am “not objectively sick enough” to slow down. Because while I am lucky enough to have a mostly kick-ass immune system (I often don’t get the thing, or get a much milder version of the thing, while everyone around me is miserable from the thing) I am still human and quite capable of catching the Dread Lurgy every so often. And I do myself no favors by immediately responding to even a vague malaise with “oh it’s probably nothing, I don’t have any right to slow down until it becomes physically impossible to maintain normal activity levels”. But it’s been hard to break the habit of doing this for a whole mess of reasons, e.g.:
Fear that if I feel “weird” and turn out to not actually be sick, I will look like a liar for acknowledging any unwell-feeling.
fear that if I don’t appear obviously ill, I will be accused of faking to get attention or avoid work
Intense dislike of having my routines disrupted
feeling like I have to “save up” allowances to be sick in case I end up with something REALLY serious (my work is not draconian about sick days, it’s not about work anyway so much as “how often am I allowed to even mention feeling unwell before people just stop taking me seriously?”)
feeling some weird…obligation, or something, to get to where I can’t possibly act convincingly well so the situation will be unambiguous.
…and other stuff I can’t think of right now but basically, just, it’s weird to acknowledge that it’s taken me until age 35 to figure out that it’s better to rest when you feel a little ill than keep pushing until you can’t hide the symptoms anymore.
Reblogged for truth.
(Source: bihets, via karalianne)
I left work early today because I was peopled-out and there were a bunch of folks working right behind me at my desk. Couldn’t concentrate at all. Have already gotten more done on the train since leaving than I did at the last hour at my desk. Yet still feel vaguely like I’m doing something decadent. o_0